I Want You to Live.

I Want You to Live.
Levi x Reader.

Listen while you read: >www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPMeln…

“Oi, you two, get your asses over here.” Levi barked at the two children as he stood at the door in uniform. The pair sprinted to their father, and stood at perfect attention. You smiled as you leaned on the wall of the front hall.
“I want you to promise me you’ll be good for your mother, and that you’ll do what she says.” He looked at the two sternly.
“Yes, Sir!” the two little voices chimed in unison.
“I want you to clean and help out, don’t fight. Do your homework and help each other out.” He paused and looked at his daughter.
“Jackie, I need you to be a big girl, and help your mom with Liam.” She smiled at her dad.
“Yes, daddy! I will I promise!” she assured him. He smirked at the pair then knelt down to one knee and spread his arms. The two ran to either side of him and wrapped their arms around him tightly. Levi held them close and kissed them both on the tops of their heads. He then let go of them, and they stepped away.
“What the fuck are you doing over there, (F/n).” You raised an eyebrow and moved yourself off the wall and then towards your husband.
“Tsk, Levi watch your language, I don’t need them developing bad habit while you’re gone.” You smiled at him as you closed the distance between you. You wrapped your arms around his neck and tucked your face into the crook of his neck. You felt him chuckle a bit.
“Shut up, you.” He said as he wrapped his arms around your waist and held you tightly.
“I’m going to miss you so much.” You felt your eyes begin to burn the way they always did when he left for a tour. You blinked your eyes a few times to fight off the tears. You felt your husband pull away from you slightly, and you looked up to meet his gun-metal irises.
“I know, I’ll miss you too. But it will be over before you know it, just like every other time.” He leaned down slightly and kissed you tenderly on the lips. You closed your eyes, and melted into the kiss, feeling his smooth lips. How you longed for that moment to stay. You never wanted to be away from him. However, not all good things can last in life, and so the moment was lost when there was a knock at the door. Levi pulled away from you, and opened the door to reveal your neighbour, Major Smith, who like your husband, was clad in uniform, his ruck-sack over his shoulder. The blond man smiled at Levi, then nodded at you. You smiled at him and stepped slightly away from Levi.
“Ready to go, Captain?” he said with a smile.
“Tch, I suppose.” Levi responded. He bent down slightly to pick up his ruck-sack, then walked out onto the porch, where the early morning fall light, bathed him in a brilliant gold. You followed him out, squinting slightly. You looked to the right to see (bff’s name), standing on the porch in a black pull over sweater, belly swollen with her and Erwin’s first child. She smiled and walked off the porch of her PMQ, and crossed the lawn to where everyone had congregated in front of your house. Erwin looked at her and smiled.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay without me.” He sounded concerned, as every new dad should.
“Yes, yes. We’ll be fine, don’t worry about it, Erwin.” She smiled at her husband and rubbed her belly. He bit his lower lip anxiously, and moved towards her, placing his hand over hers. With his free hand, he moved some free strands of hair from her face, then cupped her cheek.
“Okay…” a look of remorse remained on his face.
“Stop looking like that and soldier up, you.” She kissed his cheek softly with a mischievous look on her face.
“You stop worrying, I have (f/n), she won’t let anything bad happen to me. You just worry about coming home safely, okay?” He nodded and pulled her in for another hug. Levi grabbed your hand and pulled you towards him again. You could feel how uncomfortable the man was, he wasn’t exactly one for PDA, however on occasions such as this, he made exceptions.
“I love you, (f/n).” his voice was almost a whisper.
“I love you, too. Be careful please, and come home.” He kissed you one last time, then pulled away, looking at his superior and friend.
“Let’s go.” He said. He looked at you once more, then past you to your children who stood in the doorway, barely fighting off tears. Jaquelin hugged her brother tightly.
“Be careful, Daddy.” He smiled at the girl, then waved to her.
“I will, brat.” With that the two men turned around and got into the vehicle which was waiting for them, and drove down the road. You watched the direction it went, and gazed down the street long after it had disappeared around the corner, a warm tear rolled down your cheek. You felt arms wrap around your hips, and looked down to see Jaquelin.
“We can do this mom, just like last time!” She looked up, her eyes burning with determination. You wiped the tear away with the sleeve of your shirt.
“Yes we can baby, yes we can.” You took one last look down the quiet street, then walked back inside to prepare your wee ones for the day ahead of them.


~A Year Later~
It was a brisk fall day. The birds were singing in the autumn trees, the wind blew gently through their leaves. You had finished packing up the lunch you had made for your two children. It was about 7:00 am, and you sat in the small dining room of your PMQ, and sipped your coffee, waiting for your two children, Jaquelin and Liam, to wake up.
“Morning Mom” Jaquelin, the eldest greeted you as she walked to the cabinet in which the cereal was kept and prepared herself a bowl. Her beautiful raven hair was styled into a tight French braid on her head, and she wore jeans with warm, clean hoodie. She sat down across from you, and began eating her cereal.
“How was your sleep, dear?” you asked and sipped your tea. Eyes just like your own met your gaze.
“It was alright.” She looked up to the calendar on the wall and sighed. At the end of the month, her father would be coming back home from Afghanistan after being away for almost a year. She moved her mouth ever so slightly, counting down the days until she would see him again, then looked back into her cereal. You heard a bedroom door close, signalling you to the awakening of your youngest, Liam.
He walked into the kitchen, his (your hair colour hair) a mess on top of his small head. He walked directly to you, wearily, and wrapped his arms around you.
“Good morning Mommy.” The six year old murmured as you wrapped your arm around him, pulling him closer to your side. You placed a gentle kiss on top of his head, then ran your fingers through his dishevelled locks. He looked up at you, his gun-metal eyes glazed over slightly.
“Good morning sweetie.” Jaquelin looked at her brother, then stood up to get him a bowl. The boy walked drearily to his spot next to his big sister, and clambered up on to the chair. Jaquelin placed the bowl in front of her brother. She then grabbed the milk and positioned it over top of his bowl.
“Alright, brat, tell me when to stop.” Your eyes widened and you fought off a smirk. Jaquelin was certainly her father’s daughter. When she was younger she would follow him around, beg to visit him at work. Whenever he was over-seas, she would sleep in his shirts. She would write him every day, describing how her day was and how school was going, and on the rare occasion that he called, she would speak to him with the most brilliant of smiles. She had learned to take care of herself and her brother this time around, for the last time he deployed, her baby brother had just been born and she was only four. She took to cleaning her brother’s and her own room, she would finish her homework on time and receive high marks in school, making her top of her class. She was strong, and had to grow up a lot faster than most kids her age. Levi would be incredibly proud of what a bright and independent young lady she had become.  
“Mommy, Jackie called me a brat again.” Liam scowled at his older sibling, who glared back in response. You smiled warmly at the pair.
“Say you’re sorry, you know better than to call your brother a brat.” You looked at the girl sternly. She blushed a little then looked at her brother.
“But Daddy calls him a brat all the time, and me!” you raised an eyebrow at her.
“I’m well aware of that, however he is your father, there aren’t many people who he hasn’t called a brat at least once.” Jaquelin looked at her brother, then back at you.
“Tch, fine. I’m sorry I called you a brat.” The little boy beamed at his big sister, then picked up his spoon.
“It’s ok Jackie, thank you for making me breakfast.” The six year old dug his spoon into the cereal and ate away happily.
“22 more days.” Jaquelin said to you, with a smile. You smiled and looked at the calendar, where the 30th of September was marked off with a black sharpie. You couldn’t wait for the spot next to you in bed to finally be filled again. You couldn’t wait to hold him and feel his lips against yours again. Your heart raced at the very thought, and that day, that day where you could be in his arms, was coming close.
“I miss Daddy.” Liam looked at the photograph which sat on the counter. It was of Levi, standing beside you on the stairs of the church. You were wearing your wedding dress, he his mess suit. In the picture, while you smiled at the camera, he looked at you. A soft look on his normally stoic face, as he looked at his new bride, arm wrapped protectively around your waist. That was 11 years ago, nine months before you would give birth to Jaquelin.  You felt your chest tighten, and felt pleasant warmth throughout your body.
“I know, Liam, I miss him too.” You looked at the youngster, then to the clock, which now read 7:45.
“Okay, go brush your hair kiddo, you know what your father would say if he saw your hair messy like that, and don’t forget to brush your teeth! It’s the first day of grade 1, you don’t want to scare everyone away with your stinky breath now do you?” The little boy giggled, his fair skin turning a slight pink colour. “Yes Ma’am.” You smiled and watched the little boy climb down from the table and run down the hallway, then turn into the bathroom. You listened for a moment, then heard water running. You nodded in satisfaction, then looked at your daughter.
“Alright kiddo, you know the drill.” She nodded, a blank expression on her face, then cleared her brother’s bowl, then her own. She left the kitchen, and went down the hall to brush her teeth as well. The two re-emerged, ready to seize the day.
Jaquelin helped her brother with his shoes, then did her own while you brought their back-packs to them. You knelt down and kissed them both.
“Have a wonderful first day, you too.” You hugged them then stood to open the door.
“Have a good day mom!” Liam said as he raced down the steps, nearly tripping at the bottom.
“Bye mom, thank you.” Jaquelin turned and walked down the stairs, then followed her brother.

~Levi’s perspective of that same day.~
The armoured vehicle bounced around the rugged terrain. He held his gun with one hand, and swayed with the vehicle.
“I can’t wait to get out of this shithole.” He muttered. Erwin let out a chuckle.
“Well, Ackerman, we’ve only got a month left.”
“Thank fucking God for that.” He couldn’t wait to hold (f/n) in his arms again. To see her smile, hear her laugh again. He couldn’t wait to see his two favourite brats. From the letters he received from Jaquelin, things seemed to be going well. Her grades were perfect, she was helping out, just as he’d asked her to. And his little man Liam, who was every bit his mother, was behaving. He smiled, touching his free hand the pocket on the left side of his chest, which held a picture of his beautiful family.
He then turned to Erwin, looking at him seriously.
“If I don’t make it back I need you to do something for me.” Erwin’s eyes widened. Usually, Levi didn’t talk like this. Taken aback, he nodded in response.
“There’s a letter back on base, in my barrack box. It’s the only one without an address on it. I need you to give it to (F/n). I don’t give a rat’s ass about anything else, but that absolutely needs to get back to her.” Erwin looked at him and understood completely. Their job wasn’t safe. If they encountered a fight, it wouldn’t be the first time, however it could very well be the last. Erwin knew what he was talking about. What Levi was referring to, was a just in case letter. Tucked away somewhere in his bunk, safe from harm, was his own just in case letter, for (bff’s name). He took in a breath. Levi looked at him, not breaking his gaze even for a moment.
“Please. That is the only thing I’ll ask of you.” Levi allowed some desperation to find its way into his voice. The blond man nodded.
“I can do that for you, Levi.” Levi felt relieved at what Erwin had said. The peace of mind Levi felt was short lived though, as an explosion  from a road side bomb rocked the vehicle.
“Alright, this is it, everyone out of the vehicle!” Erwin’s voice boomed, and the door was flung open.
As soon as Levi’s feet hit the ground, he found himself looking for cover. Shots were being fired from the tree line ahead of the team. Corporal Ral was hit, a cry escaped her lips. Her body hit the ground like a rock. Levi fired into the dark, trying to hit whatever he could and maybe buy sometime, but his comrades continued to fall around him.
Suddenly he felt a burn in his shoulder, unlike any pain he had felt before, then another 3 in his abdomen. His vision blurred as he fell to the ground.
“Ackerman! ACKERMAN!” Levi could see tan boots making their way towards him, and a familiar voice calling him. Suddenly, he was being dragged to safety. He could no longer feel his legs, and found himself fighting off the blackness which brimmed the edges of his vision. He felt as though his chest had a thousand pounds on it.
“Come one, stay with me.” It was Erwin’s voice. He sounded concerned as he put pressure on the wounds.
“What in the hell happened” Levi heaved.
“You’re shot, Levi.” He stopped a minute. “The bleeding won’t stop.” Levi felt his world shatter around him. He reached and grabbed the collar of Erwin’s shirt with a shaking hand, and felt tears in his eyes that he no longer had the strength to hide.
“I’m sorry.” The blond man muttered. Levi opened his mouth to say something, but began choking on the blood that forced itself up his esophagus. He coughed and hacked, trying to spit it out, but instead found himself suddenly drowning in his own blood, and succumbed to the darkness completely.
“Levi! Levi!” Erwin shook the raven haired man’s body. It was too late, Levi was gone.


~Erwin’s Perspective, a couple days later~
Finally. He was home. He had been released from his tour a few weeks early, as for that time, he would be recuperating anyway. Sometime during that bloody firefight, his arm was damaged beyond repair, and as a result was amputated.
He got out of the car, following Hanji and Pixis, and stepped onto the side walk in front of the home he had been away from for far too long. He knew that inside, his wife (bff’s Name), would be inside taking care of his now 7 month old baby girl, Evelyn.  A smile tugged at his lips as he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, and dialed the phone number.
It rang once, twice, three times, before he heard a click and a voice on the other end of the line.
“Hello?” Erwin’s face broke into a grin.
“Hey, it’s me.”
“Oh hey! I miss you, what’s up?” He looked through the glass to see his wife pacing through the living room with his daughter on her hip.
“Come outside.” There was a pause at the end of the line, and he heard (bff’s name)’s breathing hitch. She stopped and looked out the window to the sidewalk where he stood. He smiled and waved, closing ending the call. He watched (Bff’s name) throw the phone on the couch, then disappear briefly. The door swung open, and she rushed to him, throwing a free arm around his neck, putting Evelyn between them. He wrapped his arm around the two and held them close.
In the past year, through the trials and hard times he went through, the comrades he lost along the way. It was this moment, that everything in the world was okay. This moment, was all that was. The world had stopped, the hate had ceased for that brief moment, and all he felt was warmth and love for his family.
He pulled away to look at his daughter. She had beautiful blonde hair, just like his, and his eyes. He moved his arm to cup her head, and brought it closer to him. He leaned down slightly, and placed a soft kiss on her clean smelling head. She goobbered a bit, and blew some raspberries at him. He felt his heart swell, as he watched his daughter wrap a hand around his finger. He felt (bff’s name) wrap an arm around his waist then kiss his cheek.
“What happened to your arm?” she looked at him with concern. He felt his face darken, and he looked into her eyes.
“I’ll tell you later.”  He said, not wanting to remember the events of the past week for the moment. She pursed her lips but complied, and buried her face into his neck.
“I’m glad you’re home.” She sighed happily, her breath tickling his neck. Then suddenly a cry was heard, and the two of them pulled apart, to see (F/N) fall to the ground in front of Hanji and General Pixis. Erwin pulled away from (bff’s name) and Evelyn.
“Before I go inside, I need to fulfill a promise I made to Levi.” She covered her mouth, only just realizing that Erwin wasn’t accompanied by the short raven haired man. She nodded slowly, and dipped her head, trying to fight off tears.
Erwin walked towards the steps, and notice two small figures were now at your side, holding onto you. He took climbed the short set of stairs, and knelt down before (F/n)’s sobbing figure. He reached into his breast pocket, and pulled out the letter Levi had written for her. She looked up at him, looking completely broken, and Erwin felt his heart wrench in his chest. He took a deep breath as he looked at the family before him.
“Before Levi died, he asked me to give you this.”

~Your perspective~
You were cleaning the house while the kids were at school, dusting, moping the floors, sweeping. Anything your nit-picky midget husband would usually gripe about. It was almost 4:00 pm, the kids would be home soon. You had just finished dusting the well-stocked bookcase and admiring the job you did when three knocks sounded at your door. You wiped your hands on your jeans and walked to the door, expecting to see (Bff’s name). You opened the door with a smile.
“Hey (bff’s name), how’s” you stopped. This was not your friend. No, before you stood two very high ranking officers. Both of whom you had become acquainted with at various military functions. Both, looked very sullen. You looked to see Hanji Zoe holding a (your country’s flag) flag in her arms, folded neatly. General Pixis cleared his throat, and you felt your chest tighten and your stomach drop. You knew what this was.
“Mrs. Ackerman, we regret to inform you, that while in the line of duty, and while serving his country,” he paused. Oh no. Oh no fucking way. Was this actually happening? You felt your stomach twist, your eyes began to water. You felt your throat tighten and burn with each passing second.
“While serving his country, your husband Captain Levi Ackerman, was listed amongst the dead after an ambush. We are very sorry for your loss.” Hanji stepped forward and handed the flag to you. You looked down at it in your hands. You wanted to scream. You wanted to punch something. You wanted to break down and never get up again.
“You can’t be serious.” Tears brimmed your eyes. You looked at the man before you, you shook your head slowly, trying to process what the man had just told you.
“Please, please tell me you’re joking.” Tears began rolling down your face, and you felt your knees grow weaker with each passing second. You knew he wasn’t lying to you. You had seen him deliver the same speech to families on your street before. This was no joke, Levi was gone.
“I wish it were, but he’s gone Ma’am. He did his country proud.” You brought a hand to cover your mouth as a sob made its way past your lips. Your knees gave out under you and you hit the cement porch below you. You held the flag close to your chest, and cried loudly. You felt like the world had just come crashing down around you.
“Mommy?” you looked between the legs of the soldiers before you and cried harder. Liam looked at you, unsure of what to make of the situation, but Jaquelin dropped her bag and pushed past the two officers. You pulled her into you tightly, and felt a wet face bury itself in your neck.
“H-he’s gone, i-isn’t he?” she asked her voice shaking. You felt your heart break. Your daughter’s eyes were brimming with tears as she looked at you, frozen in place. Her brother looked at the pair of you, and tried to piece it together, confusion twisted his face.
“Who’s gone, mommy?” Pixis turned and looked at the boy, who looked at the scene before him.

“Your father. He-”you tried to swallow as you looked at the little lad before you.  “He won’t be coming back to us, not this time.” The black haired girl began to sob harder, and another small pair of arms wrapped themselves around you.
“Has daddy gone to Heaven?” he asked innocently as he hugged you with all the might his little body could muster.
“Yes Daddy’s gone to-”you tried to say it, but the words wouldn’t come, they got caught in your throat.  You couldn’t finish that sentence. Never in your life did you want to finish that sentence. You looked up as Erwin knelt down in front of you.

“Before Levi died, He asked me to give this to you.” He handed you an envelope that had nothing written on the front. You took it with your left hand, and looked at your wedding and engagement rings. You sat up and opened the letter carefully to reveal Levi’s unmistakable and neat handwriting.
“Dear (F/N),
If you are reading this, that means I won’t be coming home. I’m so sorry for leaving you alone like this, with our two perfect brats. I know you can do this though. I know that you’re going to be okay, and I know that you’re going to get past this. How do I know that? Because you’re the strongest fucking woman this godforsaken world has ever seen, and I love you.” You looked up at Erwin, who was still kneeling before you and your children.
“I want you to live. Don’t let this hold you back. Please find it in yourself to smile again. Find someone to love again, someone worthy of seeing you happy, and that beautiful smile of yours. I miss you so damn much, and I’ll never stop loving you. You are the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thing at night. You are home, and I will always be with you in everything you do. You taught me that life is worth living, and gave me something to fight for. You gave me two beautiful children, who are going to take this world by storm, and who I’d go to the ends of the earth for. You saw me at my worst, and still held me close no matter how pissed I was. You put up with my obsessive cleaning, my shit attitude, my ups and downs. You are the best thing to ever happen to me, and for that I am eternally grateful
I want you to know that I’ll be alright. I want you to try and not give up. If there’s life after this, and if there is a heaven, I’ll be waiting for you to get up here. But don’t rush, I’d wait forever if I had to (And I did, every fucking time we went out)” you smiled through the tears weakly, remembering how impatient he’d get waiting for you to do your hair or get dressed before going out, however you never heard him complain once about the finished product.
“I love you, (F/n), and I want you to live.

Love your insufferable, neat-freak prick of a husband,

Levi”
You held the letter close, and looked to Erwin. You moved forward and hugged him. His arm wrapped around your shoulders.
“Thank you.” Your voice was weak and barely audible, but the man nodded. You released him then, with what felt like Herculean strength, stood up off the ground. You looked down at the flag and letter, then to your children. You looked again to the officers on your stoop.
“Thank you. For everything.” Hanji offered a weak smile and nodded, then turned away from you, making her way down the steps. General Pixis nodded towards you, then knelt before your children.
“Your daddy, was a great man, a true gift to humanity.” Liam clung to your leg, but Jaquelin walked up to the man. She stood before him, studying his face carefully, then stretch a hand out. Pixis took it, and Jaquelin shook it once.
“Thank you, Sir.” She let go and stood for a moment in silence, staring at the general before her. She then turned towards the door, and sprinted into the house, leaving her bag on the lawn. You heard a door slam closed, then ushered your son into the house, and watched Pixis replace his hat on his head.
“Thank you.” You then followed your children in. Liam had gone to his room as well, and the house felt empty.
You no longer had the energy to cook, or do anything for that matter. So instead, you went to the kitchen and grabbed your wedding photo from the counter, and made your way to the room which would never again be shared with your other half.
The moment you closed your door was the moment you felt your soul had shattered into a million tiny pieces, ones that only Levi would have the patience to clean up. But he wasn’t going to be there this time to do it. You walked into the room, put the photograph on his pillow, and made your way to your husband’s dresser. You opened the top drawer and pulled out one of his neatly folded t-shirts, then a pair of his pyjama bottoms. You pulled your shirt over your head and traded it for his, then did the same with your jeans.
His clothes still smelled like him, and you felt another gut wrenching wave of anguish rock your body. You got into his side of the bed, pulled the covers over your body, and held onto his pillow. You tilted the photograph so you could see it better.
God that was the best day of your life. You remembered how nervous you had been. You had sat with (Bff’s name) in the church before the wedding, fussing over every inch of yourself. You wanted everything to be perfect, right down to the most minor detail. You remembered walking down the aisle, holding your bouquet of red roses before you. You remembered how with each step down that aisle, you felt weight being lifted off your shoulders, because at the other end Levi would be waiting for you. The world seemed to stop in those moments, where you promised your lives to each other.
You remembered the day you found out you were pregnant. It was a cool day in early January, Levi had just gotten home, and you stood in the doorway with the positive pregnancy test. He had picked you up like you were weightless, and kissed you so hard you thought he’d take your lips off. He always made sure you had what you needed, and when the time came on August 14th, 4:30 am, he drove like a bat out of hell to get you to the hospital, where you delivered Jaquelin. You marvelled at how he managed to keep calm with a hormonal you and the stresses that came with work. You were flabbergasted when he did all again when Liam was born four years later on the 9th of August. He was every bit the loving husband and father you knew he could be.
Oh how you longed to relive those days one more time. But you knew that wasn’t going to happen. You weren’t going to wake up tomorrow, with his arms around you. You would never hear his rare laugh as he played with your children. You would never hear his voice again. You would never be teased by him again, or kissed by him again, or held close in his arms at night again. You would never sit out on the roof with him again, and pass the hours gazing at stars. Those things would never happen again. You had never felt so alone in your life.
You squeezed your eyes shut and buried your face into his pillow, your sobs turning into whimpers. You shut yourself out from the world for that night. Tonight you allowed yourself to break and crumble, because tomorrow, you would have to be strong for your children. You brought the picture to your lips and kissed it.

‘The military may take your body, but I will keep your heart.’  You whispered quietly as you held the picture and frame to your chest.